Irresponsibly responsible

I started this blog as a means to keep writing and to make sure I do not lose my touch again. I beautifully failed at doing both those things. I allowed my assignments and my need for quiet time get in the way of doing what I truly love and in the process, got a little rusty with this. I used to blog more frequently up till two years ago. I realized that the old blog had too many posts about people I would rather just forget about.

Even so, I could not bring myself to delete it completely, so I just made it private. With all the written memories of friendships I no longer wanted to hold on to locked away for me to read about someday, I thought I would start anew. But obviously, it is not the same.

I’ve had trouble keeping up this time around. I used to be a lot more funnier back then too. Oh well.

Unlike my old blog, I chose to keep this private. My first post on moderate Islam was posted on my Facebook page and some are pinned on my twitter account, but I stopped at that. I realized that there were many things I wanted to write about in my old one that I couldn’t because I knew exactly who was reading it. While that made it super easy to direct a post to someone I chose, I could never be completely honest with my content.

Whenever I got emotional, such as when I wrote about my grandfather, I felt like I wasn’t being sincere in the words I said. A part of me wondered if whether I wrote and said the things I did because I felt it, or because I knew everyone else was going to read it. And I hated that.

I like this way better. Although I’m sure I have some weird friend who comes back here to see what I’m saying when I’m not writing longg political posts on Facebook, I would rather keep it going this way. Also, I like my site address and I don’t intend on changing it anytime soon.

It is 3.30 in the morning here in Malaysia. Honestly, I would just like to eat something right now and think about what else to binge watch. But, somehow I felt like writing here again. And that is a good thing, because I do not know when I will write next.

Which is what brings me to my new year’s resolution. I pledge to write on here as often as I can – for real, this time. I usually keep to my resolutions each year, but 2016 has been a real bummer.

2017 will be better, I know it.